antisocial nondancer
Real place where I was one time

Real place where I was one time

So why does Cracked CONSTANTLY push Feminist propaganda so hard? And let's not bullshit ourselves. You do. Just yesterday you published five articles. Two specifically referenced either Feminism or Feminist backed statistics. Conversely whenever you cover anything related to the opposition you not only mislead about their views... you straight up fucking lie about them and people let you get away with it because you're a "humor magazine". So I'm wondering why you propagandize *so hard*. Why?








Because we’re true believers! 

Let me take this moment to say how Cracked could have gone another direction 7 or 8 years ago, a more Maximy, Booby Gallery of the Day direction if not for the steadfast resistance of David Wong and Jack O’Brien. I barely acknowledge the side that opposes feminism, but Wong goes out of his way to understand people who are mad at feminists, and he writes about those views with more sensitivity and understanding that I could ever muster. 

To sum up: We don’t have an explicit agenda but if one comes across, It’s not one I’m ashamed of. 

Kristi is a liar. I remember the meeting where the Cracked brain trust sat down and was like “From now on let’s occasionally post articles that either directly or conspiratorially tangentially support equal rights for women so we can accomplish our ultimate end goal: Hack into the penis of every man and make it a smaller penis, or a penis that is otherwise laughable for a different reason upon which we all agree. It almost sounds TOO easy,” Jack said, as he (via the mainframe) hacked a young Robert Brockway’s penis. “I think my wife deserves my respect,” the now-neutered Brockway yelped.



It is weird that we do it so constantly, when everybody knows that people only deserve equal rights and treatment between the hours of4 and 7 pm on alternate February the 29ths. At first we worried that we couldn’t cover it all with our current propaganda budget, but we were able to transfer some funding to supporting feminism from our “Don’t be an asshole” budget because it turns out they overlap completely.

Look, I get it buddy. You’re pissed off because you’ve tried to be a good person your whole life and still you feel like you’ve been consistently stripped of the things you thought were guaranteed , and now there is a whole organized movement saying you still have too much, that you, just trying to live your life, is an affront to an entire gender. That’s a shitty feeling, but here’s the thing: no one is actually trying to take anything from you. That sickening feeling you have that your being robbed of basic human rights, there are people around you in your life who are feeling a worse version of that everyday. If you don’t believe me, look at any of the secret camera videos women have taken on the street to catch the verbal abuse they suffer, listen to any of the stories of guys who touch women on crowded trains and then smile at them as they leave because they know there’s nothing she can do about it, read any of the millions of accounts from human beings about the exhausting and demoralizing abuse they put up with every day. And you might not be the guy making them feel that way, I hope you’re not, but holy shit, you can actually help. You can help other people instead of standing in their way because it feels like another inconvenience. Finally, even if the absolute worse case scenario is true: this is one big conspiracy, Cracked and feminists and a huge chunk of the Internet are villainizing men unfairly and creating a culture where you’re no longer allowed to even voice your opinions without people getting angry- even if all of that is true- isn’t that worth preventing an inarguably high percentage of sexual abuse and dangerous objectification of your daughter/ your sister/ your wife? 

Not all the stabs at equality will be smart, or entirely on point or even helpful. This form of feminism is new, chillingly new for how long this shit has been going on, and not everyone is good at it yet, but holy shit, friend, how can you argue against the aim of basic respect for another human being?




Soren’s “empathy for you” is a false flag assault on your scrote size and don’t let anybody tell you different.

Reasons I fucking love Cracked and why it will forever reign superior in my mind to any other humor website ever.


'I Think She Was A She' Proudly Proclaims There's No Shame In Having An Abortion

In the slam poem “I Think She Was A She,” spoken word poet and performance artist Leyla Josephine recounts the abortion she had as a teenager and the cultural shame she’s been constantly confronted with ever since.

Be brought to tears when you watch Leyla recite the full moving poem here. 


A painting titled Mami Wata, by artist Lila from Toulouse, France.Here is her portfolio : The French Wikipedia page for “Vaudou” explains that “Mami Wata” doesn’t come from English (“Mammy Water”), but it originally comes from the Mina language of South Togo : in that language “Mamui Ata” means “I keep my legs tight”, because in fertility rituals dedicated to that Goddess, the person was told to tighten their legs in order to keep inside what they had been inseminated with by the Goddess. Mami Wata is associated with both fertility & destruction.


A painting titled Mami Wata, by artist Lila from Toulouse, France.
Here is her portfolio : 

The French Wikipedia page for “Vaudou” explains that “Mami Wata” doesn’t come from English (“Mammy Water”), but it originally comes from the Mina language of South Togo : in that language “Mamui Ata” means “I keep my legs tight”, because in fertility rituals dedicated to that Goddess, the person was told to tighten their legs in order to keep inside what they had been inseminated with by the Goddess. Mami Wata is associated with both fertility & destruction.

Interesting article about ‘the decolonized diet’ in the star tribune this morning.

A society that has free, easy access to consenting women's nude bodies but STILL insists on sexually harassing/degrading non-consenting women by treating their bodies as public property and sex lives as public business is a society that needs to take a hard look at itself.


Do you know what this behaviour says? It says that consent is merely a genre, a niche, and if happy, consenting women isn’t your thing, well, don’t worry, because here in 2014 we’ve got all the goods and those slutty whores were asking for it anyway by daring to have a personal boudoir photograph or two, because even behind closed doors a woman must be shamed for participating in and enjoying her sexuality and by golly we can exploit that for male gratification.

I hope you don’t mind my posting this, Broegan, because it is absolutely amazing.

"Now" by Denis Johnson

Whatever the foghorns are
the voices of feels terrible
tonight, just terrible, and here
by the window that looks out
on the waters but is blind, I
have been sleeping,
but I am awake now.
In the night I watch
how the little lights
of boats come out
to us and are lost again
in the fog wallowing on the sea:
it is as if in that absence not many
but a single light gestures
and diminishes like meaning
through speech, negligently
adance to the calling
of the foghorns like the one
note they lend from voice
to voice. And so does my life tremble,
and when I turn from the window
and from the sea’s grief, the room
fills with a dark
lushness and foliage nobody
will ever be plucked from,
and the feelings I have
must never be given speech.
Darkness, my name is Denis Johnson,
and I am almost ready to
confess it is not some awful
misunderstanding that has carried
me here, my arms full of the ghosts
of flowers, to kneel at your feet;
almost ready to see
how at each turning I chose
this way, this place and this verging
of ocean on earth with the horns claiming
I can keep on if only I step
where I cannot breathe. My coat
is leprosy and my dagger
is a lie; must I
shed them? Do I have
to end my life in order
to begin? Music, you are light.
Agony, you are only what tips
me from moment to moment, light
to light and word to word,
and I am here at the waters
because in this space between spaces
where nothing speaks,
I am what it says.

A weird question but if you were to meet George Washington somehow and the topic somehow switched to religion, do you think you'd openly say that you were atheist, fake it, or try to sway away from the topic? From my understanding, Atheists were at the level (and lower according to some articles I've reaD) of Satanists. I think I'd be scared to come out as an atheist back in Colonial/Revolutionary America. I'd fear I'd be flogged or something.


I’d absolutely tell him that I was an atheist. Look, it’s 2014, and an openly atheist person could not be elected President today. Part of the reason for that is that there’s been a tendency to keep quiet about that or shy away from declaring that you are atheist because it might make others uncomfortable or make for awkward conversation with a believer. The problem is that we’ve made it weird and I don’t know why. I know very few people who go to church regularly or are religious, but people still feel uncomfortable to talk about religion or a lack of religion. Religion is a choice. It’s not like your sexuality; religion is a choice. 

Atheists shouldn’t be afraid to declare that they don’t believe, and people who do have faith in religion shouldn’t be afraid to declare that they do. Disagreements shouldn’t negate debate or discussion. A lot of atheists bring trouble on themselves and the cause by being such assholes about religion. Religion might seem silly to you, but it’s very important to a lot of people, and has been for thousands of years. Arguing about religion has NEVER worked. Reacting to someone’s faith by saying, “Oh my not-God, you are so dumb for believing in some invisible person in the sky because that isn’t scientifically possible and it doesn’t even make sense. Use reason,” doesn’t do anything for that person, for atheism, for reason, for anything. Believe or don’t believe. Be who you are and don’t be afraid to let others know who you are. But respect the same thing in others.

Now, back to your question, yes, I would tell him that I am atheist and I’d explain that I’ve read scores of religious texts, have thought about religion for years, and that I’ve come to the decision that it isn’t for me but respect its purpose for others. I’d also say that I understand his religious faith and appreciate it, but that my atheism and his faith should have nothing to do with the government of our country. And he would agree with that, and nearly every other Founding Father passionately agreed with that, as well. 


Jon Stewart’s Priceless Response To Fox News On Ferguson

Jon Stewart is back from vacation, and he’s not wasting any time going after one of his favorite targets: Fox News.

Watch his the full brilliant 10  minute monologue on racism and Ferguson  here. 

"He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette. “I can only truly love my dead best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed."
from Mallory Ortberg’s hilarious “Male Novelist Jokes.” (via coketalk)